Epsiode 105 - Reshaping HER

Stacy Pearsall sits down for a candid conversation with Connie Osier, Stephanie Gattas and Colleen Bushnell, three fellow veterans who have each experienced military sexual trauma, on episode 105 – Her Silence. A few topics of conversation relayed around finding your identity, how to become an ally, and civilian empowerment.  

This episode contains discussions of sexual violence and self-harm. Reader discretion is advised. 

Q: Stacy to Connie, Stephanie, and Colleen 

“It sounds like a pretty resounding theme, you know, like, finding yourself, having security, you know, building an identity. Did you all feel like you had achieved that at any point in your careers?” 

A: Stephanie 

“I'm certain I did not. And only because of, I think, the things that I was subjected to. But I think I had a different process played out in my mind. But it doesn't mean that it didn't teach me a lot about myself because it did. I think it made me who I am today. I just know that I didn't know who I needed to be or who I would be while I was serving. But that was my experience, of course.” 

A: Connie 

“I did not find the safety I was looking for, in no way, shape or means. Am I glad I did it? Yeah. I got away from home, and it did shape the rest of my life, but not quite in the way I had envisioned.” 

A: Colleen 

“I would say the military was definitely formative for me. I had some amazing experiences. I felt a duck to water in public affairs. I, uh, changed my duty station every two years, which exposed me to various aspects of the mission. I don't know if it was luck or fate, but just real fortunate to have dealt with some very important incidents and crisis communication. I was on hand on September 11th where the president hid out in Omaha, Nebraska. So, I -- I would be lying if I said that the military did not afford me incredible opportunities to grow and -- and to learn, which was -- kind of added to the tragedy of the loss. You know, throughout my ordeal, I felt -- I'll say this, and I -- and I say it not just on my own behalf, but on behalf of so many talented men and women service members that the military lost a really valuable asset in me. You know. So that just really kind of compounded the frustration at the poor handling of... criminal conduct.” 

Q: Stacy to Connie, Stephanie, and Colleen 

“So, what can our civilian friends and allies do to help bring about systemic change?” 

A: Colleen 

“Most important thing the American public can do in their daily lives is to support the service members in their families while they're serving. Too often, we're shipping our children off to the military. We idealize what they're about to do and we don't keep watch over their welfare as much as we would if they were at college. We just assume that the military will take care of them and that they're ready for the level of sophistication they're about to engage in the military, and they're not; if your son or daughter, especially your daughter, is in the military, it is your job to watch over them, because you are -- the military recognizes systems, and the family unit is a system. And if your son or daughter is under duress, you may be one of the only people who have leverage to protect them and help them manage whatever problems they may encounter.” 

A: Stephanie 

“If your son or daughter are serving, you have to be an advocate in all facets. And I say this because, you know, I have this experience with the grassroots initiative where I worked with various women from various organizations all over the United States for the Vanessa Guillen bill to pass. And so, what it did was it prompted this grassroots effort across the U.S., not just with myself -- I was brought into the equation, but women came together and said, we have to... we have to make that change now and we have to be loud and clear about this. And because we were loud and clear, the groundwork that women had laid for 20-plus years in terms of sexual assault and sexual harassment was now being turned into a bill. But in the name of Vanessa Guillen -- it's unfortunate that she was the catalyst for this change to take place, but it's a great example of what can happen when you advocate, and you bring a number of women together.” 

Q: Stacy to Connie, Stephanie, and Colleen 

“Well, let's talk about the civilian side of the house for a second, because, you know, if you think of the nation as a pie and you cut a slice of that pie and you put it in a uniform, that's all of us together, right? People from all walks of life and from all over the country. So if we, even on the outside, can't get our stuff together, then how can the military be expected to do that when we're just pulling from that pie and putting them in a uniform?” 

A: Colleen 

“It's a mystery sometimes why answers don't come sooner. I personally am very hopeful; with the work I've been doing to protect our defenders and women like you. Who are working hand in hand in your local community. We are open to new solutions and a new way forward. And I think the shaming and the blaming and the guilt, we really got to set that aside because that's not where the answer lies.” 

A: Stephanie 

“I feel like it's a learned experience every day because it is based on individuals, and it is based on feedback, and it is based on understanding where women and men are today. And let's not forget, you know, our transgender folks either, right? Because this is a new world that we live in, you know, regardless of the way that we have to view it, we have to, you know, address the elephant in the room with everyone. And I can tell you right now that you empower one, you empower many. And then that's really the approach that we try to take. And we do try to take it from the standpoint where there's no medicinal intervention, that they can see that they're able to take steps forward with holistic approach, but they're also able to take ways forward by being educated, by growing in knowledge about themselves, by having someone come alongside them and tell them, "Listen, I get it, I've been there, but I'm going to help you walk, you know, through the fire that you've been forged from." We can have an individual come to our program and they can be provided services at no cost. Well, we've removed the financial barrier in order for them to know that help is possible. But then you're also looking at an individual who has struggled with chemical dependency or who has struggled with alcoholism. So now we're facing a different battle. Now we have to make sure that person gets treatment. And so, when you come across one individual, that can turn into many things, and so for us, empowering doesn't just come from the work we do alone. It comes from our community. So, our community partnerships, our community collaborators, you know, women and men that I meet here today that I know I could trust to call and say, this person needs you in some fashion and be able to do that. And when you think about leadership or some of the people in command that only hear the aftermath of it, they don't hear people who are telling their stories for the first time. They don't hear the result of women who have been raped and have a child as a result of that rape. Their life is forever changed. You don't hear about the women and their infertility issues because of the rape. You don't hear about the men who are having to have a different type of medical equipment, without being very graphic, because of what happened to them when they were sodomized. All these stories we hear at our level, and we're left to understand, how can we empower them? How can we keep them from choosing suicide as an outlet? So, I can tell you that it's taken years for people to be receptive to an all women's organization. I was told, "I don't think it'll work." MST at that time was still stigmatized. Nobody wanted to talk about military sexual trauma, right? And when you look at military sexual trauma, it's an umbrella and you've got your racial disparities, you've got your sexual harassment that can happen on a multitude of levels. I've heard, you know, more than one instance here. And then you have your actual assault, you have your rape. Right? Let's call that exactly what it is. It's not someone that was lightly assaulted. It's not somebody that was patted on the back. It was somebody that was raped. And so for us, it was really important to help bring that conversation to a room where nobody wanted to talk about it, because the more uncomfortable people become, the more they're going to listen to what it is that you have to say, if that makes any sense.”